Back in Denver

DH and I agree it's a bit surreal to be back in Denver. We arrived tonight. I was sooo excited to get off of I-25 and ride past CCRM on the way to the hotel. DH waved to the embryos when we went by.

I am ready! I feel like I have been prepping for a big game and tomorrow is game day. I'm sort of like, "Bring it on!!"

I have some slight fear about something going wrong with the embryos when they thaw them, but I'm not going to let myself go there. I can't control any of what happens in the lab.

We have to be there at 11:45 a.m. tomorrow. Transfer is scheduled for 1:30 or 1:45. I'm doing acupuncture before and after.

I'm pretty tired -- it is 1:00 a.m. in Atlanta and I worked a full day before catching the flight here.

Before I sign off for the evening, I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who's been reading and following me. Thanks for your interest, your well wishes, your prayers, your advice, your encouragement, and your friendship. I am so grateful for this community.

Good night!

P.S. PIO shot done at doctor's office yesterday was a breeze. No pain at all. Maybe I have tough buns! : )  Tomorrow DH learns how to give the shot.

Progesterone shots -- eek!

PIO = Progesterone in Oil
PIO = intramuscular injection in your backside
PIO = P-I-Oh Crap!

I had my progesterone level checked this morning and it was only 4.1. CCRM wants it above 6. The nurse called with the news and I knew what was coming. I've heard about these shots.

I have a fear of intramuscular (IM) shots because the needle is huge and you can't give them to yourself. This means my DH has to give me the shot. Yikes! We paid a nurse $100 to come give me the HCG trigger shot at 2 a.m. in Denver in February to avoid this. But now, I have to have a 1 cc injection every other day at least through the pregnancy test and well into the pregnancy if successful. Getting someone else to do it just isn't feasible.

My dear friend Kate who has actually adminstered her own PIO shots and taught her DH how to do it has agreed to help me out tomorrow. Then on Thursday, the nurse will teach my DH how to do it.

They ordered 20 doses -- enough for 40 days! Someone's being optimistic... I'm sure that's the standard initial order, but I'll just pretend it's Dr. Babycraft! : )

Six More Days 'til FET

I'm excited and relieved that after all this time of waiting and preparation, the FET date is almost here. I'm "locked in" now on the date. This week, on Monday, my E2 was 126 (they like it to be 50 or more). Today, it was 312 (they like it to be 300 or more). My nurse asked if I'm moving the estrogen patches around, because apparently if you put them in the same vicinity, the absorption is limited. I have not been putting them in the exact same place, but I have been using the same section of my lower abdomen. Guess I'll be moving them tomorrow. I had my lining check today, too, and the PA said, "It looks beautiful. I can't imagine a more perfect place for an embryo to implant." That made me feel really good. The measurement was 11 and it has a great triple stripe, as desired.

I had my 7th electro acupuncture treatment this evening. One more to go on Monday and then I should be set. The acupuncturist said tonight that I sound so positive and sure that this is going to work. I wouldn't say that. I am just ready. I'm excited that two weeks from tomorrow, we'll know something.

When I talked to the nurse today I asked how that will work -- the beta. It will be May 1. My clinic in Atlanta will get results and send them to Denver and someone in Denver will call me. They want the HCG to be at least 50. If it is, on May 3, they'll retest and hope it has doubled. If it has, that's it. They'll do weekly estrogen and progesterone checks, but no more HCGs. Two and a half weeks past the beta, they'll do an ultrasound and hope to see a heartbeat. The thought of that makes my own heart race!

If the beta is negative, I don't even want to think about that. At least May 1 is a Saturday, so I could cry and mope all day long if I wanted to.

Part of my preparation for the transfer is preparation for how to communicate with people who want to know NOW. With some of the "fringe" people who know what's going on but don't get the play by play, I've started being very vague about the transfer date and then I've said, "So hopefully this summer, we'll have some good news to announce." With my mother-in-law, I tested this out: "Well, after what happened last year, I just don't know when we'll really feel comfortable making any kind of announcement . . ." With my mom, I haven't brought it up. She knows we're going to Denver next Wednesday but I'm not giving her the play-by-play on E2 levels, my lining, etc. I don't know how it will all pan out with our moms. We'll see. They both live out of state, so it's not like we're going to see them soon. Keeping information private will be easier when we don't have to see them.

One year ago today was my first IVF retrieval. We got 7 eggs.

Back on track

Well, I forgot to post an update that AF did finally arrive -- and in time to keep things on schedule. I started BCPs the other day and today I start Lupron, too. I've never done a frozen transfer so this is all new to me.

I haven't had a lot to write about, which is why I haven't, but I feel like posting a few random things. Here goes . . .

We are moving forward on our backyard project and I'm getting really excited. The contractor we've chosen has caught on that we want to move quickly. In a private conversation, I explained the birthday celebration idea (DH is turning 50 Memorial Day weekend) and the contractor all but guaranteed me they could get it done in time. He also is reasonable about our budget and wants to do everything he can to get as much done as possible for that amount. I like that. In contrast, one of the guys we didn't pick -- from a company with a slick web site and small but very nice showroom -- wanted us to pay more than $3,000 to go through a master planning phase, after which we would determine how much we could do within our budget and how long it would take. As much as I know those people would do excellent work, there's no way I was going there. They were selling a Mercedes and I need a Volkswagen.

We are taking a bold step in this project just for our frozen embryos -- we are regrading a grassy area of the backyard for a play area. Sound completely insane? Don't worry, we aren't installing a swing set... And the regrading sort of needs to be done anyway to control water that flows down and wreaks havoc on the rest of the yard (that's what got us into this mess to begin with). Plus, it's just more practical to do it now as part of the big project. The area isn't visible from many windows in our home, so if the embryos never grow into running, playing children, it's not like I'll have to look at the flat grassy area every day and imagine them there. I hope. I guarantee you, if that happens, I will repurpose that space so it doesn't haunt me for the rest of my days.

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There are now three couples in our small church who are expecting. One couple is our really good friends and I'm quite excited for them. (I posted about our conversation with them several weeks ago when they shared the news with us and he tried to get me to yell and curse at him.) The other two couples I don't know well, but I'm happy for them, too. Getting it in my head that the alternative to being happy for someone who is pregnant is wishing they were infertile made it a lot easier for me to be happy for women I know who are pregnant. That doesn't mean I want to hang out with them and discuss every little detail of their pregnancies, but I don't find it upsetting to sit two rows behind them in church.

Speaking of church and pregnancies, we have the best pastor. When he found out about our good friends who are pregnant, he called DH to give him a heads up because he didn't want us to hear from someone else. DH assured him that we were some of the first ones to know after their families and that we've travelled the IF road with them for a few years now. I thought it was so kind that he made that call, though. He's looking out for us.

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Work is going better. Feeling a little less like drudgery. Stressful days in relation to my colleague who's been diagnosed with breast cancer. We had a scare this week because after what was expected to be a simple procedure, they thought they'd discovered that it had spread and she would need chemo immediately. But with the pathology report that came in a few days later, they said chemo isn't necessarily needed just yet.

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Today's the first day in like 14 days when I didn't have to jump up first thing in the morning and go fulfill some kind of work-related or volunteer-related commitment. It's so wonderful! It's going to be a good day. There's nothing I absolutely have to do. This afternoon we are going to a six-year-old birthday party for my godson -- can't wait to see him, his sister and his mom and dad! Gotta run now to the pharmacy and pick up my Lupron.