Monday, July 11, 2011

Five months later

Well anyone who was reading my blog months ago has probably long stopped checking it! So much time has passed since my last post. Becoming a mom to twins at this point in my life has been quite a challenge. Something had to give in order for me to stay on top of things -- and actually several things had to give for me to hold onto even a shred of my sense of control over my life.

I have not been depressed. Just incredibly busy and on some days, overwhelmed and exhausted. I made one BIG mistake and that was not teaching the twins to nap in their cribs sooner. I let them cat nap in their portable bassinets in the living room all day long. This gave me NO time to myself and resulted in quite a high level of anxiety at times.

Now that nap time occurs twice a day in the nursery -- simultaneously, no less -- I look back at what I was doing and 1) feel pretty lousy about not giving them the opportunity for higher quality sleep during the daytime -- after reading quite a bit on the topic, I now know how much they need it and 2) wonder how in the world I survived for as long as I did. I mean, really! How did I do that?

The twins are almost eight months old and they are doing great. They are happy, chubby little babies who delight us every day. Baby girl has a joyful soul and almost always wakes up smiling. If I could predict what she'll be like, I'd say she's going to be an outgoing person with a lot of energy. Baby boy appears to be a deep thinker and is incredibly adorable. He has the most infectious smile. We are blessed beyond measure. I think often of how these two little beings came into the world and I marvel at the work of CCRM.

I also go through stages when I think often about our other three embryos at CCRM -- what will we do? I want to give them the opportunity to become full-fledged human beings because I know what those CCRM embryos grow into! But I am torn about whether I can handle more children on so many fronts. I'm 40 and DH is 51. Would it be unwise? If we don't use the embryos, they cannot be donated to another couple, unfortunately, because I was too old when they were created. (I believe CCRM's maximum age is 35 at the time of egg retrieval. I was 39.)

I'd like to recommit to posting once a week and visiting all the blogs I used to read almost daily, but I'm smarter than that. I will say that I hope to make more appearances in the blogosphere and to reconnect with some of my "old" friends. I hope everyone is doing well and having a good summer.