Still Waiting

The past week was one of the most difficult weeks I've had in a while. On the one hand, it was a good distraction from the wait, but on the other hand, it was exhausting. It was all work drama. I have an irrational fear that someone from work (or someone in my city of more than 5 million people) will figure out who I am, so I won't give details. Suffice it to say that the week included lots of closed-door meetings, a controversial announcement about a reorganization, and a cancer diagnosis for a dear friend at work. Scary.

This weekend, I decided to mostly do just what I wanted to do, which involved not one but two long naps, three Oscar-nominated movies, and lots of Olympic-watching.

I'm sort of dreading tomorrow (Monday) but I'm sure everything will be okay eventually.

I am thinking that we might hear something about our embryos this week. I still feel afraid about the results. Having never had a frozen transfer, this "intermission" between the retrieval and transfer is a strange new experience. I don't like it. I feel like I'm just suspended between hope and the fear of reality. And I've lost my motivation to follow the regimen given by the acupuncturist in Denver: at least 64 oz. of water daily, 30 minutes of walking daily (walking, not running), absolutely no caffeine of any kind, and electro-acupuncture. I think if I get good news, that will get me back into the swing of things. And if we get bad news, I plan to get seriously caffeinated and run like the wind. It's good to have a plan B. However, deep down I don't think I'll need it. Time will tell.

Fingers crossed!

The ride continues

Emotion of the moment:  fear. I don't know why, but I'm feeling scared that none of our embryos will be normal. It hit me yesterday that that really could be the case. I'm hoping for at least two of the six to be normal, but it very well could be that none of my 39-year-old eggs can make good embryos.

I just got a call on my cell phone from area code 303 and thought, "It's the lab." My heart froze because I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the truth of the matter. It actually was our hotel. I accidentally left my Blackberry cord behind and they are trying to return it to me.

I am so ready for a conclusion to this journey. If none of the embryos are normal, I think we then move toward adoption. But DH will be 50 in a matter of months. Is adoption even a possibility? And how long could that take?

So. Fear. And my old friend, impatience. That's what I've got going on today.