Nauseous and Nervous

Tomorrow is our ultrasound! We will be 6w5d. I am nervous now that the day is upon us. I haven't had much time to emotionally prepare for it because I've been so nauseated and quite determined to find a way to manage it. I haven't even been anxiously counting the days until the ultrasound because just getting through one day is a major accomplishment right now. I read something yesterday about the importance of stellar nutrition during the first trimester and it launched me into action. Today I forced myself to eat a bagel, a small yogurt, some nuts, part of an apple, a few bites of a fruity granola dessert, about six cheezits, a bowl of chicken noodle soup made with egg noodles, and a small portion of ice cream. That's the most I've eaten in one day in quite a few days. And I wouldn't exactly call that stellar. But I think eating more helped keep the nausea at bay, to some degree. I hope my little embryos are still growing in there. I guess I'll know a lot more tomorrow afternoon.

The appointment is at 3:15 with our Atlanta RE. I haven't seen or spoken to her since last November after I got back from the one-day workup at CCRM and she was exhibiting a bit of professional jealousy. That particular day, we talked on the phone, and she actually told me it was a business decision that they don't do labs or monitoring for out of state patients. She said it was an inconvenience for the staff. By the end of the conversation, she had offered to "go to bat for me" with her colleagues at the practice. (She is one of the founding doctors of this practice... She can do whatever she wants. I knew this.) But I played along and following our phone conversation, I sent a very passive agressive email saying it is a lot more than business to me and for them to refer me to CCRM and then not continue to monitor me was contrary to the wonderful care they'd provided me during the previous 15 months. I also thanked her profusely for going to bat for me. About a week later, my nurse emailed and said they would do the monitoring. When I scheduled my first monitoring appointment, the scheduler acted like it was no big deal at all, so I casually asked, "So do you all do this pretty regularly for patients going to out of state clinics?" She said yes.

I was pretty hurt by this whole thing. I felt like my doc had kicked me in the stomach the day she said they wouldn't do the monitoring. She actually made me cry. She is the warmest, most friendly doctor I've ever had. She has amazing bedside manner. But she's human and I guess she got jealous.

I could have scheduled this appointment tomorrow with another doctor in the practice but I asked for her because I'd like to "feel the love" for her again. I don't want that kick-me-in-the-stomach phone call to be my lasting impression of her. She did pretty much talk me in to going to CCRM and giving them a chance, after all. So I'm turning the other cheek.

Obviously, my nervousness tomorrow isn't just about the ultrasound. I hope she acts like a grown up! I'll let you know. More importantly, I'll let you know the status of numbers 1 and 17. This seems surreal!