Grateful, Enchanted, and Hopeful

Thanks so much to everyone who commented on my last post -- and a huge thanks to Mel for mentioning me in her 172nd Friday Roundup. I feel like I'm really part of the blogosphere now. Thank you all for your kind, encouraging words.

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I started my meds this week. Bought most of them at a local specialty pharmacy in the ATL, except for the Lupron -- which CCRM insisted I get from a pharmacy in Denver because they mix it differently -- and the Saizen, which the local people didn't carry. I'm pretty excited about taking Saizen because I hope it will make me taller! (Kidding. Sort of. I do want to be taller but I realize that's probably not going to happen in six .33 cc doses. Unfortunately.)

The time difference between Atlanta and Denver is on my side  -- CCRM has nurses on call from 4 pm to 10 pm, which for me is 6 pm to 12 am. Good thing since I had a work event Thursday night and although I thought I had figured out how to dilute the Saizen the night before, at 11:30 pm on Thursday, I knew I didn't have it right. I called CCRM and talked to a very friendly nurse who straightened me out. Then last night when I was prepping to do the Menopur this morning, I had another question, so I called again. And again, so friendly. So helpful. They are great.

I must admit, I'm pretty enchanted with CCRM right now. I grudgingly went out there for my one day work-up, pretty annoyed that they wanted to repeat tests I'd already had done in Atlanta. But as I observed how they do things and as I have dealt with them over the phone and through email for the past two months, I am very impressed. I feel like I'm giving this my best shot by going to CCRM. If this cycle doesn't work, I don't know what I'll want to do. Mentally, this is the end of the ART road for me. But emotionally, I don't know if I'll be ready to stop and choose adoption or not. I was at that point before when my Atlanta doc sent me to Denver. I think that's part of the enchantment. I was hopeless before we decided to talk to Dr. S. I was grieving the loss of the possibility of having a genetic connection to my child. Even as we went to Denver for the one-day, I really didn't think Dr. S. was going to be able to help us. But now I am spellbound by the magic of the wizard and his lab.

Doing injections again is kind of bittersweet. I feel hopeful but want to balance that feeling with reality: this might not work. The key for me is getting enough eggs. First IVF, we got 7 eggs and only 2 fertilized. Second IVF, we got 3 eggs and 0 fertilized. Dr. S. has said we should have gotten more eggs because I had 17 resting follicles the day of our one-day workup in November. He said with 17 resting, we should get into the double digits upon retrieval. I am crossing my fingers.

We are heading out to Denver after work on Wednesday. DH is currently second-guessing our hotel selection, obsessing over all the options. I really liked the hotel where we stayed for the one-day workup, so that's where we have a reservation. I think we'll stick with it. DH is coming with me the whole 2 weeks because his work allows him to work from anywhere. I'm grateful for that because my birthday is Friday and I really would hate to spend it alone.

I wish so much that I could take a day and go skiing while we're there but I'm just not willing to take the chance on something going wrong and needing to be airlifted to Denver or something crazy like that. After my first IVF attempt, about five days after transfer, I landed in the hospital for two days because I had severe pain. (See my post "Rather Belated and Dramatic Update" from May 2009).

If anyone has suggestions of day trips, museums, bookstores, restaurants or anything cool and entertaining in Colorado, please share!