Monday, July 11, 2011

Five months later

Well anyone who was reading my blog months ago has probably long stopped checking it! So much time has passed since my last post. Becoming a mom to twins at this point in my life has been quite a challenge. Something had to give in order for me to stay on top of things -- and actually several things had to give for me to hold onto even a shred of my sense of control over my life.

I have not been depressed. Just incredibly busy and on some days, overwhelmed and exhausted. I made one BIG mistake and that was not teaching the twins to nap in their cribs sooner. I let them cat nap in their portable bassinets in the living room all day long. This gave me NO time to myself and resulted in quite a high level of anxiety at times.

Now that nap time occurs twice a day in the nursery -- simultaneously, no less -- I look back at what I was doing and 1) feel pretty lousy about not giving them the opportunity for higher quality sleep during the daytime -- after reading quite a bit on the topic, I now know how much they need it and 2) wonder how in the world I survived for as long as I did. I mean, really! How did I do that?

The twins are almost eight months old and they are doing great. They are happy, chubby little babies who delight us every day. Baby girl has a joyful soul and almost always wakes up smiling. If I could predict what she'll be like, I'd say she's going to be an outgoing person with a lot of energy. Baby boy appears to be a deep thinker and is incredibly adorable. He has the most infectious smile. We are blessed beyond measure. I think often of how these two little beings came into the world and I marvel at the work of CCRM.

I also go through stages when I think often about our other three embryos at CCRM -- what will we do? I want to give them the opportunity to become full-fledged human beings because I know what those CCRM embryos grow into! But I am torn about whether I can handle more children on so many fronts. I'm 40 and DH is 51. Would it be unwise? If we don't use the embryos, they cannot be donated to another couple, unfortunately, because I was too old when they were created. (I believe CCRM's maximum age is 35 at the time of egg retrieval. I was 39.)

I'd like to recommit to posting once a week and visiting all the blogs I used to read almost daily, but I'm smarter than that. I will say that I hope to make more appearances in the blogosphere and to reconnect with some of my "old" friends. I hope everyone is doing well and having a good summer.


  1. I still keep you in my feed reader, and I'm so happy to see a post from you! Glad to hear you are surviving and enjoying your twins. :-)

    I just found out this morning that I am expecting twins myself, so I may be emailing you for tips soon. . . .

  2. Hi Susie!! So good to hear from you, and that you and the babies are doing well. 8 months old already! Hard to believe.

    I think about my frozen embabies too - I know we'll try for at least one more, but that may not use everyone...I do think donating them to research is an ok option, sort of giving back to those that helped us grow our family, and maybe coming up with new ways for others to grow theirs. Just a thought...

  3. Happy to read your update! Can't believe the twins are already 8 months old. We are struggling with what to do with our frozen embryos as well, as we don't plan to have any more children. Such a tough and extremely personal decision. Take care!

  4. Unless the laws in your state/Colorado say otherwise, or unless you had to promise only to use CCRM's embryo donation program in order to have CCS (trying to cover all the bases here), I'm 99.99% sure that your frozen embryos are, essentially, your property to do with as you wish within reason. Now, obviously, you wouldn't be able to make CCRM do anything that CCRM didn't want to do, which would mean you wouldn't be able to use the CCRM donation program, but if my understanding is correct, you would be able to transfer the embryos to another facility/clinic of your choosing, and could work with your own preferred embryo donation program to donate them.

    Warning: I am NOT a lawyer and thus am not the person to consult about legalities. But our clinic also has the same cutoff for its own embryo donation program, so I did a little digging. After I noticed that the paperwork that we had to sign basically said, "Clinic X bears no responsibility for what might happen to your frozen embryos if you decide to transfer them elsewhere," I thought, "aha, that is an option!" Some discreet questioning essentially confirmed it. Come to think of it, I'm guessing that most IVF clinics have an age cutoff for their embryo donation programs (though I could be wrong), yet embryo donation from older-than-35 women still occurs.

    Now, I have no idea if you would WANT to donate your embryos. That is obviously 100% up to you. But if it's something that appeals to you, I'd double-check with a lawyer who's familiar with assisted reproduction. I know that CCRM created your embryos, but they did so at your behest (and with your $$).

    Glad to hear that things are going so well with your family!

  5. It's nice to read your update. As a mama to a singleton, it's hard to imagine the challenge of raising twins! I'm so glad it's going so well. Definitely come visit the blogosphere whenever you like -- there's no attendance requirement.

  6. Welcome back. I would think life has to stop when you have twins. I am glad you are back.

    I am glad you have a nap schedule worked out.


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