Saturday, January 16, 2010

Six Months (At A Time)

I selected the wrong name for this blog last spring. We had been accepted into the Attain program, which gave us up to three fresh and three frozen IVF cycles for the price of about two cycles. I actually thought that I could do three fresh cycles in six months. (I didn't anticipate the opportunity to do a frozen cycle because my doc said it was unlikely.) After two unsuccessful cycles in five or six months -- the second of which was a complete train wreck -- Attain kicked us out of the program and refunded us 70 percent of the money. Financially, we came out ahead of where we would have been if we paid for both cycles outright. Emotionally, I was feeling pretty defeated. I had been counting on that third and final attempt.

After the failure in August, my doctor in Atlanta suggested we consider egg donation, adoption, or a second opinion. I was ready for adoption. My husband was ready for egg donation. So we went for a second opinion.

In Colorado. She sent us to the best in the country -- the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine and Dr. William Schoolcraft.

I approached the second opinion with Dr. S. matter of factly, in order to protect myself from further disappointment. I really wasn't open-minded about the possibility of treatment at CCRM because I couldn't imagine that they could offer anything I hadn't gotten in Atlanta. I just wanted him to tell us that our Atlanta doc was right so we could move forward and try to sort out the adoption vs. egg donation dilemma. Well I was wrong. Schoolcraft seems to have a quiet "bring it on" kind of attitude about our case. He thinks he can help us. After a phone consult, a whirlwind trip to Denver for a one-day workup (we were literally in Denver for about 16 hours!), and a follow up phone consult, we decided to try one more IVF cycle.

I'd like to summarize how I came to that decision in another post -- I'll do an Atlanta vs. Denver Infertility Smackdown -- because if anyone from Atlanta ever reads this blog, what I have to say might be interesting reading.

So here we go again. I should start stims in five days if all goes well at my appointment on Monday.

Back to the blog name change. Six Months (At A Time) feels right to me. I thought of other names like "Babytrain to Crazytown" or something like "Womb Available" or "Race to the Womb"... But this name will remind me to live in the present and not get too far ahead of things. There are many ways that my thoughts don't take things Six Months At A Time. Sometimes I dwell all too much on how old we'll both be when our unconceived child graduates from high school or how old the child may be when we die, because no child should lose a parent too soon. I lost my dad when I was 33 and that was way too soon for me.

I like the idea of imposing a six-month limit on my musings about the future. If this were truly possible, I would not dream about next Christmas and whether I'll be enormously pregnant and unable to travel to see our families. I would not think about my colleague who has confided that she is also TTC and I would not worry about which of us is going to succeed first and how we would work out our possibly overlapping maternity leaves (my boss would absolutely freak out about that one).  At this point, I would not worry about the possibility of a late-term miscarriage or multiples that weigh just a couple of pounds apiece.

All of these things are part of the grand reality check of trying to conceive a baby through IVF at age 39 with a soon-to-be 50 husband, but they aren't things I should ponder frequently or seriously.

Here's to Six Months (At A Time)!


  1. I came upon your blog and admire your courage. I encourage you to keep writing and getting your feelings out; it's one of the best things you can do for yourself while trying to get through this. I don't know how long you've been trying -- other than at least 6 months but you will succeed at becoming a parent (one way or another).Keep that in mind and never lose site of your dream. There are many going through what you are. Remember to stay around those who positive and encouraging. I have many contacts in the fertility industry (clinics, blogs, fertility consultants, others like you, etc.). If you ever need a question answered regarding egg donation, please consider calling me or emailing. I too had trouble conceiving and succeeded through egg donation.

  2. By the way - good luck with your upcoming treatment. Dr. Schoolcraft is one of the best!

  3. Thanks, Suzanne! You are the first person to comment on my blog. Today was my first post in a while, but I do believe I need to do what you said -- keep writing. It's certainly therapeutic. I appreciate your encouragement.