Thursday, January 28, 2010

Mile High Anxiety

Well, it's not that bad (mile high), but I am having some anxiety, which is pretty unusual for me.
  • I think it's partly lack of sleep. Too many long days at work trying to prep for being out for two weeks.
  • It's also an inability to pack well -- DH and I checked 4 bags -- yep, FOUR -- and had three carryons. Of course I had a backpack jammed full of meds on ice, boxes of Menopur and Prometrium, and swabs and syringes.... And I had to bring my normal jeans AND my fat pants because I imagine at some point, I'm going to feel a litte bit, well, full. I just wanted to be prepared to be comfortable and now is not the time to insist on not checking bags. So in the name of taking good care of myself, I found myself with DH dragging seven bags -- oh and a tiny purse that I hoped would fit in one of the carryons if they got picky about such things. I miss my big purse.
  • It's the fear that someone from work will see me at train station with my husband and seven bags when I'm supposed to be out for a "medical procedure" for the next two weeks. Ha. Thank goodness that didn't happen.
  • It's the awkwardness of injecting meds on my the plane because I ran out of time before the flight and didn't want to be three to four hours late.
  • It's the feeling of despair when you desperately want to sleep but can't -- that was me on the plane. (However the silver lining to that cloud was that we had free TV on the flight, so I watched the State of the Union address. Not that that reduced my anxiety level -- so many issues, so little bipartisan cooperation in D.C. But I won't go there.) 
  • It's the frustration of arriving at the hotel where we'd stayed in November (in a huge room) to find our room much, much smaller. We inquired and may be able to move to a larger one today.
  • It's the fact that yesterday I ate Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast, half a turkey sandwich and potato chips from a corporate boxed lunch, a Whopper Jr. from the airport, and a bowl of microwave pasta from the store at the hotel (at midnight Atl time). Ick. That is awful!
  • Add all of the above together and that leads to the fear that this stuff has impacted my cycle -- that's the Mile High Concern.
But now that I'm here, things are going to get better.
  • I'm going to have a proper breakfast at the hotel restaurant.
  • I'm going to walk on the hotel treadmill later today.
  • I'm going to get our room changed if at all possible and then unpack and settle in. Making our stay comfortable is really crucial to my sanity for the next 2 weeks.
  • I'm going to catch up on my sleep one way or another (I love a good nap).
  • I'm going to my first monitoring appointment here in Denver this morning and hopefully get some reaassurance that things are progressing well.
  • I'm going to write a LOT in this blog because it is part of my sanity plan -- and with all this time on my hands, the potential for lack of sanity has never been greater.
It's all going to be fine. One way or another. In fact, here is the first evidence of that:  I just read a preview of what I've written here and considered changing all of the "It's" to "It was" in the list of concerns. That is a very good sign. Thank you, Blog!

More later.


  1. Thank God for blogs!! It really is cathartic to put it all out there and let it go. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me during cycles! Wishing you much success!!

  2. What a journey! So glad that today you will be able to unwind a little. Keeping my fingers crossed!

  3. So glad you and your 7 (!) bags got there safely. And don't discount the major hormones you are on as contributing to your anxiety - they can mess with your emotions big time. And the tiredness can also be adjusting to the elevation, so let your body adjust a few days. Drink lots of water, it is so dry there (its a high desert, after all) and the elevation can also dehydrate you.

    I hope your monitoring appointment went well. Can't wait to hear an update!

  4. I can't imagine taking the infertility show on the road and NOT feeling anxious. Perfectly normal. I hope the next couple of weeks are enjoyable and successful!

  5. The anxiety sounds pretty normal to me and thank goodness for a blog to help you cope. Good luck and best wishes!!