30 weeks today

I can't believe that I am 30 weeks along. I learned this week that I may deliver in 4 weeks -- yikes! -- and that has brought all kinds of thoughts to mind. I think about the years it took to get to this point, feeling like pregnancy and parenthood might never, ever happen. Yet in some ways, those years seem so distant now. I still feel the burden of the unknowns of infertility when I think about the years of waiting, but in many ways I've put that pain behind me. I am fully in soon-to-be parent mode. And that freaks me out at moments! Surprising, isn't it? After all those years of wishing and waiting and persevering, I'm about to finally get what I wanted and I'm freaking out about it. I'm sure that all of this is completely normal but it is interesting to observe, nonetheless.

So my last two posts were big vents about my mom. Thanks to those of you who read and offered advice. She's gone now and my anxiety level is normal again. I actually just spent about an hour and a half composing an email to her to further set some boundaries about her time here and to tell her how stressed all of the holiday and post-baby arrangements are making me. I know she'll read it and say that she will do everything she can to help us, because deep-down, she's very level headed and reasonable and I love that about her. I haven't hit send yet because I want DH to read it first.

One thing I realized in the midst of all of the mom angst that makes me sad -- my dad used to be the one to help keep her obsessive and smothering behaviors in check. For example, when my brother went away to college, it nearly did her in. She was beside herself missing him. She wanted to go visit my brother too soon and my dad told her no. She listened. He balanced her out completely. I miss him so much!

S here's what's been happening with me and the babies:

-- My boy is moving like crazy, punching, stretching, and shifting into positions that frequently cramp his sister (and let's face it, me). Last ultrasound (on Tuesday of this week), he was measuring 3.6 lbs and everything looked fantastic. His position is either transverse or breech, depending on where he moves.

-- My girl is moving less, has less space to do so, and is low on amniotic fluid. Her approximate weight on Tuesday was 3.1 lbs. The doctor was pleased with her growth (indicating weight gain of about a pound over the past four weeks) and her movement during the u/s was also good. The amniotic fluid could become a big problem, so we're due back for another u/s on November 8. Doc said the only things that could impact the amniotic fluid are how much fluid I'm drinking and how much rest I'm getting. (Some days, I'm sure it's not enough of either, so I'm trying to do better.)

-- Baby Girl's placenta is on the front, so it could be making it harder for me to feel her movements. Doc said if I go a day without feeling her move, come in to see them immediately. With Baby Boy all over the place it is sometimes confusing whether it is him or her moving, but I'm really working at zeroing in on who's doing what so I can monitor her. I sometimes knock on her side of my abdomen and say, "Hello! Baby Girl?" Sometimes she responds with a knock back! I'm also trying to rub my belly more on her side. I realized that I do that a lot on Baby Boy's side because he tends to butt up to my lower rib and poke either his head or his behind out my side -- very uncomfortable! I try to gently push him back in so I am more comfortable. I realized that all of this touching him makes me feel more close to him and perhaps stimulates his movement. So I'm trying to touch her more, too, to stimulate her movement. This is my first realization (probably the first of many) that I may have been treating them differently in a way that is not good for one of them. Oh, I have so much to learn about that!

-- Doc said if Baby Girl's amniotic fluid doesn't improve, "extra monitoring" may be needed, which would mean additional office visits and possibly a non-stress test. It could ultimately mean they need to deliver the babies earlier than we'd like.

-- If amniotic fluid problem improves and all continues to go well, will I last until 36-37 weeks? Doc said maybe but he'd more likely predict 34 weeks. (Um, hello, that is the Saturday after Thanksgiving!)

-- Doc (this is the perinatologist I've been referring to) will consult with OB to determine best time for C section (most likely) and it likely will be scheduled a few weeks in advance.

-- I am scheduled to continue working 4 hours per day through November 15. That day cannot come soon enough!

-- At last OB appointment, my fundal height was 34 cm (and I was 29 weeks at the time).

-- My feet and ankles are swelling horrendously at times. I'm embarrassed to wear dresses and most of my previous maternity pants aren't comfortable now. I've got a few pairs of comfortable black knit pants that are somewhat like workout pants but somehow pass for something else, thank goodness, and one pair of black "dressy" pants I picked up on clearance at Target. Also picked up a few pairs of Old Navy leggings last weekend -- what a lifesaver those are.

-- Other than the swelling, I feel pretty good. No backaches unless I stay in bed too long. Oh, I'm having pain in my hands that feels like what must arthritis must feel like, but it's apparently more fluid retention. It comes overnight and goes in the morning when I start moving around again.

-- DH and I took three classes last week -- Baby Essentials for Multiples, Infant CPR, and Breastfeeding for Multiples. Instructors were excellent. The only class that overwhelmed me was the baby essentials one, which surprised me. I thought the breastfeeding class would do me in, but it seemed fairly do-able. We shall see!

-- Have had two showers now. One more to go - next Sunday afternoon. It should be a biggie. DH's mom is coming for it.

-- DH and I have been to the same pizza place every Friday night for at least 8 weeks now. It is my weekly indulgence in amazing pizza and a caffeinated beverage -- bliss!

I sure do admire all of you bloggers who post more frequent, brief posts. I wish I could discipline myself to do that because I know the long posts get old. Thank you to my friends out there who read them and comment. I hope everyone is doing well and having a good weekend!